I was going to post a funny but it would be pointless telling it to myself

Go on tell us H I'm listening!

Yeah, tell us but it better be funny!

Rigsby wrote:

Yeah, tell us but it better be funny!

allright then,
2 fish in a tank, 1 says to the other, " how the fupp do you drive this then"

Here’s one for you h.
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, did santa get you that?
yep re;lies the little girl. Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year and fined her £5.The little girl looked up at the cop and said, nice horse you got there did santa bring you that? the cop chuckles and replies he sure did. Well said the little girl, next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse, not on top you f******g w****r.

Bigbob wrote:

Here’s one for you h. Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, did santa get you that? yep re;lies the little girl. Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year and fined her £5.The little girl looked up at the cop and said, nice horse you got there did santa bring you that? the cop chuckles and replies he sure did. Well said the little girl, next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse, not on top you f******g w****r.

Tom Tom are recalling their Sat Navs cos they can't find Engurland anywhere in Europe! Ha that's the only clean one I've heard lately ha!

Two parrots on a perch, one says to the other, " can you smell fish"

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??
The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,
fatty."

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife
is lying in bed reading .Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results
of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour
period It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary

Rigsby wrote:

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects: 1) Argued over nothing. 2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. 3) Gained weight. 4) Talked excessively without making sense. 5) Became overly emotional. 6) Couldn't drive. 7) Failed to think rationally. Had to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary

Is this an old Rising Damp joke

Heard the one about the 2 Irish bumboys, Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick

a letter arrived this morning ,printed on the envelope are the words do not bend.how am i supposed to pick the damn thing up

John Darwin has just walked onto a police station after being missing presumed dead for 5 years, he said it's the last time he's going on holidays with the McCanns.